50+Dating: Does Sex Have An Expiration Date?

You remember Gloria Vanderbilt, right? She was the Poor Little Rich Girl who grew up to marry a Philharmonic conductor light-years her senior, and later moved on to make beautiful music with Hollywood director Sidney Lumet, Marlon Brando, Gene Kelly, Howard Hughes, and Frank Sinatra. (“With Frank,” she recalled, “it was magical.”)

Why else should we remember Gloria? Because she’s 86 now and still, she assures her friends (alas, we are not numbered among them), that she adores sex. Well, why shouldn’t she? In fact, why shouldn’t we all? It is magical. It makes us feel good — very good — and very loved. In fact, “To love and be loved,” someone once said and many have repeated, “is the essence of life.”

Yet when I talk about sex to older women — a lot younger than Gloria — many, too many, throw up their hands and exclaim, “Oh no, not for me!” In effect, “Been there, done that, it’s history.” They maintain that they don’t feel the need. They haven’t met anyone they feel they could enjoy a night with. And they have their girlfriends. Often it’s because they feel their bodies aren’t what they used to be — but, then, neither are men’s. (Oh, those watermelon paunches!) Okay, many of us had great figures once. (We still look nostalgically at our fading bathing beauty snapshots.) But that was then and this is now. Our full-length mirrors no longer tell us, “You are the fairest of them all.”

But so what? We need to stop saying, “No way!”  and start saying, “Okay” — only with the right man of course. We need to love our bodies. It’s the only one you’ve got. Tone it with exercise and, if it’s needed, a revisit to Weight Watchers. And don’t give up the trip. Try a couple of good dating websites (our book has a lot of great suggestions on how to make the most of them) and, if you remember sex fondly, give thanks for the memories, but want more than memories,  kiss apathy goodbye. Persist. Persist. Persist. Like the poem says:


I think that if I really try

I could find myself a guy

But I’m stuck in apathy

In endless hours of TV.

I guess that what I need’s a nanny

To tell me, “Hey, get off your fanny.”

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 17th, 2010 at 1:08 am and is filed under 50-plus dating advice, Dating, relationships, Senior dating, Where to Find Love. You can read any previous responses to this blog post by hitting this RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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